


Home is Where the Heart is

by NovusArs



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Banished, Bilbo takes the ring to Mordor and Mount Doom, Dragon Shit, F/M, Healing after carriering the ring, Memory loss during Gold Illness, Mentions of Misscarriage, No Fellowship of the Ring, Pregnancy, Rule 63, no one died/fix it for BoFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovusArs/pseuds/NovusArs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billa (Bilbo) Baggins has taken the One Ring and Arkenstone into Mordor and destroyed it. Now she just wants to go home but home seems lost to her forever. </p><p> </p><p>----<br/>Fairly simple story that has a similar setup as my other story Lost and Found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. End of Days

The world was burning up. Smoke spewed around her and burning rocks fell from the sky. A ringing was in her ears. Lava ran down the mountain side just feet from her laying body. She couldn’t focus well anymore. The world was dark and dead but she felt lighter than she had in months or was it years?

Her hand fell to her slightly bulging stomach as tears welled up. It was gone. Both were destroyed and would never come haunt her and the ones she loved ever again. She could go home again. 

_Be gone. You’re banished Agrîfatkurûd! ___

No. Home, she couldn’t go home but she could go back to the Shire. If she had the food necessary and the ability to move. Tears slid from dull eyes. She had neither. They were going to die in Mordor. 

Her hand clenched the worn tunic stretched over her heavy stomach. “I’m sorry.” She whispered through cracked lips. “I’m sorry.”

She was sorry for so many things. She was sorry that she gave the arkenstone to anyone. She was sorry she had gone back to her dwarves after doing so. She was sorry that she had nearly lost the baby in the first place. She was sorry that she had thought she had lost the baby. Most importantly, she was sorry that she had gone to Mordor pregnant. Billa wished she had realized the illness she was experiencing was from still, somehow, being pregnant after Thorin had thrown her down. 

She would have hidden somewhere till the babe was born. Then Billa would have continued to Mordor to destroy the ring and the stone. That way she would have eaten properly. That way she wouldn’t be so terrifyingly small so far into her pregnancy. That way her baby would have survived. 

The world darkened around her as she wept for her baby and her husband who had been trapped by gold. Billa sent out a last silent plea before the world faded to nothing. _Thorin please be free of the stone and the gold. Please don’t hate me._


	2. Regrets

It had been nearly 8 months since the Battle of Five Armies. It had been 8 months since he had banished his One for doing what was right for the kingdom. It had been 8 months since he had held his wife in his arms, had felt her warmth, had seen her smile. His last memories of her were filled with an inexplicable hate and she had been so terrified. 

Nothing had gone quite right since then. Winter was tough with little food. Bard and the humans took shelter in the mountain adding to the mouths that needed fed. Dain and his generals tried, thankfully unsuccessfully, to usurper him and his heirs from Erebor’s throne. The arkenstone vanished and many blamed both the humans and the elves for the lose of the Kings jewel. 

The rebuilding of Erebor was a slow process as much structural damage had been done. The enormous piles of Dragon shit that had to be scrapped off the floors, walls, and ceilings (some piles were that tall) made the process even slower and more dangerous. It was impossible to see any structural issues underneath the piles of dung. 

The lack of windows made it extremely difficult to air out the place, so to speak. He was not the only one that had lost breakfast or dinner (the two meals they could afford to give with the supplies they had) from the foul stench permeating the air. 

What was worse were the corpses. Many had died at the hands of the dragon but no one had realized the full extent of the horror until they reached what had once been considered the safest place in the mountain. The very heart, just a few levels below the throne room was where the women with children spent their days. The only way out of that area was either up into a entry near the treasury or down towards the guilds. Both ways had been blocked by cave-ins. It had trapped the women and children inside and they had died from starvation. 

Thorin closed his eyes as he remembered the horror of entering that room. He couldn’t help but imagine Billa being trapped in such a manner. He took a shaky breath. How he wished he knew his One was alright. 

None of the letters sent to the Shire have been opened. He knew because they all returned with the crows he had sent them with. The crows all returned with pained mutters of how the hobbit lass of Bag End wanted nothing to do with them. At least he knew she was alive.

She wanted nothing to do with him though. Thorin stared down at the documents before him. He had lost his One. The dwarf king forced back the tears that wanted to fall. He deserved no less than the spurn she directed at him. 

The late hour was announced by the calls of the changing guard echoing into his open window, one the few within the mountain kingdom. Thorin blew the candle out and slowly went to his cold bed. He dreams were the not peaceful that night. 

The wonderful dream of Billa announcing her pregnancy turned sour when he chose to ignore her and stare at gold instead. The dream continued to darken as he continued to fall deeper into gold sickness until, at last, he nearly dropped his wife off the side of the throne room because she had given the arkenstone away. Luckily he did not drop her but he did toss her carelessly to the floor where she landed harshly, arms wrapped helplessly around her middle. 

Thorin woke feeling ill. With trembling hands the dwarf king forced himself up. It was just a nightmare. It had to be. It had to be. 

The dwarf stared blankly at himself in the bathroom mirror before jerking away to heave up anything in himself. Billa had been protecting her stomach when he had tossed her. The dream had him toss her to the ground in the throne room when they had actually been on a balcony. But besides that, it was the same. She had been protecting her stomach when he had tossed her to the floor of the balcony. 

Mahal no. It could not be so.

Loud, rushed knocks filtered into the bathroom. Thorin ignored them until they didn’t stop for five minutes straight. Forcing the shakes from his body, the king went to answer the door. Dwalin stood at the other side, pale. 

“Ya need to see this.”

Thorin followed Dwalin out to a balcony. Dwalin didn’t need to point out anything in particular to Thorin. He saw it right away. The sky was black with flashes of red off in the distance. 

“The direction?”

“South, thereabouts.” Answered Balin. Thorin hadn’t noticed all the dwarrow on the balcony were company members until he turned away from the view. 

“Does anyone have any ideas?”

Ori spoke up quietly, “Mordor’s south.” Thorin rubbed his brow in frustration. That would be the expected cause but no one ever wished to hear such words in their lifetime. 

“Send out scouts and make sure everyone is prepared for any potential siege.” Ordered Thorin.

Dwalin nodded, “Aye, of course.”

Thorin turned back to the sky and he heard some of the company members leave for a moment before returning. 

“Uncle.” Thorin frowned as Kili’s voice faded away from hesitation.

“What?”

“I-I… Fili and I had basically the same dream last night.” Kili explained. Thorin frowned deeper at Fili’s mutter of “nightmare”.

“Never a good sign!” Cried out Oin. “Gloin and I had similar dreams last night, also. To have that and the princes’ and this, this Mordor spewing darkness in the sky is not good signs.”

“Oi, Bombur and I had similar dreams last night. Right terrible dream too.” Added Bofur. Soon the entire company were complaining of their nightmare and it quickly, horrifyingly became clear that everyone had had the same basic dream about Billa being pregnant. The only difference was they all dreamed of watching Thorin hurt her instead of doing the hurting. 

“Aye! If it had been on the balcony it would have been fair identical to what really happened!” Shouted Gloin over the other ruckus. Silence fell at his words and horror stretched across all their faces. 

Balin breathed out, “Identical down to her protecting her stomach.” The company turned to look at Thorin to find him with his head in his hands, hair falling around his face hiding it from view. Balin hesitantly stepped forward and rested a hand on his king’s shoulder.


	3. In Which Eagles have Answers

The elves of Rivendell could not help but stare in interest at the two giant Eagles of Manwe. Lord Elrond and Mithrandir were quietly speaking with them. They could guess that whatever they were talking about involved the darkened sky in the south east that had faded over the last few weeks. Perhaps they were even explaining why the very air felt lighter, the water calmer, the earth warmer, the fires kinder than many elves had ever known them to be. 

The world had changed and quite suddenly. Whispers of a nameless fear had ceased their incessant blathering. Something had happened and the need to go to the west faded from the hearts of many elves. The autumn of their race had turned to spring. The vile poison within the land chasing them from home was fading into the depths it had seep up from. 

A council meeting was called soon after and the next morning everyone knew of the little hobbit lass that had single handedly destroyed Sauron. Lord Elrond himself road out that very morning with his sons, Lord Glorfindel and Mithrandir; leaving Lindir and Erestor to rule over Rivendell in his absence. Arathorn of the Dúnedain and his young son Aragorn left with them. 

They headed out to Gondor and Minas Tirith. By Autumn, at the latest, Gondor would once again have a king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has always been my headcannon that Sauron and Melkor had been doing something to push the elves to leaving middle earth because the elves were their biggest threat. They also were the cause for the greatly diminished numbers of elven children. 
> 
> In cannon(movie) Sauron was destroyed too late to save most of the elves but here most will not leave for the west and children will start to be born again.


	4. Alive

She woke up screaming. Pain ripped through her and all she could do was scream. Billa couldn’t focus on anything else. She couldn’t think well enough to acknowledge the room she was in, the bed she lay on or the people that came running into her room. 

It seemed like ages of agony before three words broke through the pain. “--HAVE TO PUSH!!”

Billa shuddered but obeyed the demand and pushed. She couldn’t quite tell what or where she pushed but she did. The pain faded to a dull throb as a weak scream filled the air. A baby's cry.

Billa Baggins broke down crying herself as her mind caught up with her. She was alive. And her baby was alive too.

A woman leaned over Billa and helped her up after the afterbirth was taken care of. The woman was saying something but Billa could not understand. She was so exhausted. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep but Billa would not until she saw her baby.

A tiny bundle was laid onto her stomach. A tiny face could be seen within the layers and a tiny hand just peaked out, clutching the blanket. The baby had pointed ears and black curled hair. 

Billa broke down once again. They had survived. She was alive.

Her baby was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to give you all another, though short, chapter for today. Hope you like. 
> 
> Fare well till tomorrow.


	5. Bag End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start this chapter, know that two were published yesterday so you may have missed one.

The hobbit lass framed in the green, circular doorway was not what she imagined when reading the letters from her sons. Dis wasn’t absolutely sure what she had expected, shorter perhaps. 

The hobbit fit the basic description her sons had sent. She was blond, appeared to be about the age they believed Billa was, she was wearing the style of dress described and her eyes were a greenish sort - though calling them emeralds was certainly stretching it. She had hair on her feet that was similarly curly to the hair on her head. 

Important things were missing though. The lass didn’t have a paper opener at her hip. No mithril tunic peaked out from under her bodice. The girl wasn’t prepared for anything beyond tea. Of course, that could be excused away by the peaceful nature of the Shire.

No. The most important thing missing were the braids and beads. Dis pressed her lips into a thin line. This supposedly caring, loyal woman no longer wore her wedding braid. She didn’t have any hint of her courtship braid nor the beads that marked her as Thorin’s beloved. 

Of course, the girl may have lost a babe but she should have understood that Thorin hadn’t been right in the mind. It didn’t excuse the loss but it also didn’t excuse her removing her braids. She should at least give her brother a chance to do right for now on. Ones were supposed to give each other a life time of chances. 

“What do you want?” Cried the hobbit lass. “Can’t we be left well alone! We’ve had enough dwarves come through for a lifetime!”

Dis stiffened, “They travel to Erebor. You should understand the importance of that, of home.” Her sons claimed such.

An unpleasant smile crossed her face. “Yes well.” She patted the door of Bag End. “A good home is hard to come by but at least you dwarves helped with that. We’d still be in the little shack of Otho’s if you lot hadn’t taken Billa off and gotten her killed.”

“You’re not Billa Baggins.” Dis stated, relief fluttered.

The hobbit lass scowled. “Of course not. I wouldn’t be caught dead running off with dwarves let alone leaving the Shire!” The hobbit then chuckled softly to herself, “Caught dead. Caught dead, indeed. Haven’t seen her since she ran off so she must have gotten herself killed! Good riddance! Now Otho, being a Baggins, was able to claim Bag End as he should have been able to do when Bungo had offed himself all those years ago. That girl had no right to keep it when she decided not to marry a proper hobbit lad.” 

The lady dwarrow stared and stared some more. This.. This thing had claimed her sister-in-laws home, all her things and had the audacity to be pleased by her apparent death. 

Dis hissed out, “Billa Baggins still lives and she has married my brother. You have no right to this land and the things upon it.”

The hobbit stared wide eyed at Dis for a moment before squealing loudly, “Good Morning!” and slamming the door into Dis’ face. 

The princess scowled impressively at the door before stomping away. By dwarven law the hobbit had no rights to Bag End but this was not dwarven land, no matter that the rightful owner was Queen of Erebor. Two dwarrow took up places behind Dis. One had a crow on his shoulder. 

“Gimli, inform my brother that Billa never made it back to the Shire and that we will be late, please.”

“Yes ma’ma.” Bowed the young dwarf as he pulled out a scroll and paused to scribble a letter. 

The other dwarf spoke as she fiddled with her finely weaved beard. “Why will we be late?”

Dis look back at her dear friend and gave a toothy smile. “We have a house to secure and items to pack up for my sister-in-law. I know you want to get back to Gloin but that woman in Bag End has no right to the place.”

The dwarrowdam nodded in understanding, “Right, so who do we talk to to take care of this?”

“I have no idea.”

“Ah, this might take a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dis is a bamf for anyone that didn't know. 
> 
> I haven't been able to decide on a name for Gloin's wife, ideas?


	6. Just a Burglar

Billa rarely woke with coherency but when she did the women caring for her and her baby quickly brought her tiny baby to her. It took a few rounds of coherency before Billa learned and remembered that her baby was a beautiful little girl. 

She had hobbit curls and ears. Her daughter had Billa’s slightly upturned nose but everything else was Thorin. She was so perfect, though her size made Billa cry. Hobbit babies weren’t this tiny. It was a miracle she was alive. 

Her daughter had the baby blue eyes most newborns had but Billa would not be surprised if they darkened only slightly to a stormy blue. There was a chance she would have green eyes, of course, but it seemed like an injustice for this little baby, so like Thorin in appearance, to not have Thorin’s eyes. 

Billa wished Thorin was present. How she wanted to see his face light up at the sight of their daughter. She wanted the entire company to come and share her joy over this little wonder. 

But they weren’t there. They would never be there. She was banished. They couldn’t care what happened to her. None of them had cared that she had been pregnant. The piles of gold held their interest and care more. 

They would not care if they ever learned that she was here. They would not care about her daughter. Oh how it hurt knowing that she meant nothing to them. She had just been a burglar. And what a burglar she was, stealing a king’s heart, a Kings jewel and the Ring of power.


	7. New Found Worries

Thorin sank into his seat at the dining table. There was little chatter and enough food to leave everyone content but there was little joy. Between everything happening none of the company felt much like celebrating. There was just too much work to re-establish Erebor to its former glory. So much structural work needed to be done before the caravans came. Trade agreements needed to be set up, specifically for food. Thorin firmly ignored the true cause for the lack of laughter and jokes. He didn’t want to think about it, though if he was truthful, he thought about it all the time. It haunted him.

At least the strange clouds in the south had faded to nothing. No scouting party had found any sign of pending siege or rise in goblin activity. 

Gloin stamped into the royal dinning room with a grim stance. He passed by his usual seat and stopped in front of Thorin. The entire room fell silent as Thorin looked up at Gloin. 

Gloin cleared his throat before speaking, glancing over at Fili and Kili, “The lads been telling Lady Dis about Billa. She went to the Shire to talk some sense..” Thorin turned a glare at his nephews. “Well.. Thorin…” Gloin shifted in discomfort. “Well..”

Thorin huffed in annoyance and turned his glare to the red head. “Well what?”

Gloin shifted around a moment longer, “Well… The hobbit lass at Bag End isn’t our Billa.” The red headed dwarf looked away from Thorin before explaining quickly, “Apparently Billa hasn’t returned to the Shire and the lass at Bag End forced issue to her absence and somehow gained control of Billa’s property and such by claiming her dead.”

Silence lasted for only a second before everyone was shouting out in outrage and fury at the disrespect towards their hobbit. None really wanted to think about the possibility of Billa really being dead. 

Thorin was the only one not shouting. His Billa had never made it home so where was she? Had she been waylaid somewhere? Had she never headed home in the first place? Was she alright? Or was she… was she dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	8. Minas Tirith

The white city of Gondor gleamed in the morning light as the, mostly, elven party road through its first gates. They had made good time but traveling from Rivendell to Minas Tirith was no short trip. Today would be a momentous day but Gandalf could not truly care. There was a very dear hobbit that needed the best healers possible. The healers of men could not hope to heal what the one ring had done to her. 

Lord Elrond was of similar mind as he left the diplomatic necessities to Glorfindel and swept off to the halls of healing. The great Eagles of Manwe had taken Billa to the closest place of healing after they had found her. It probably had been for the best but Gandalf couldn’t help but wonder at the damage that Elrond could have prevented if the eagles had taken her directly to Rivendell.

They were directed to the room Billa had been placed in. The men may not have known what Billa had done for them, for everyone, but they recognized her importance when giant eagles had dropped her off in the courtyard of the halls of healing itself. They had given her the greatest care they could. 

Gandalf and Elrond entered the room as the head healer quickly explained all health issues they had found and been working on. She was being swallowed by the bed she was so small. Billa lay pale under white sheets, her forehead shone with sweat and she shifted around, muttering too quietly to understand. “-and of course we finally tried some methinolen after she gave birth but she had a terrible reaction to it so we can’t get her to have a peacefully night.”

“Birth.” Started Gandalf in shocked horror. Elrond had also paused to stare at the man. 

“Uh, yes. She was pregnant when the giant bird dropped her off.” Stuttered the man, his eyes flickering to Elrond every few seconds. “She gave birth a little over a month ago. Its a tiny little thing but healthy.”

“Bring the child here if the little one is awake.” Elrond looked around, “And bring the crib. It's never a good idea to separate the child and mother.”

“But she has little proper rest as is..” Argued the healer.

Lord Elrond settled down on the bed and started carefully checking Billa over. “Believe it or not, the child will help ground her and bring her back to the present. That is what she needs right now, not solitude.”

“I-Of..Of Course my Lord. I will have it taken care of.” The man rushed from the room. Gandalf stared out the window in deep thought. Hobbits were truly marvelous creatures. She had saved the world while pregnant. He would never question a pregnant lass that wanted to go on a walk ever again.

“Mithrandir stop brooding and come be useful. Grind these two together into dust.” Order Elrond. The grey wizard moved to help. It was the least he could do for the hobbit he had dragged from home and hearth.


	9. Away to Erebor

Dis was sitting in a meeting with the Thain, a uncle of Billa’s apparently, when the ranger came. The news from Gandalf had helped secure Billa’s things but it gave no great relief for the dwarrowdam. She did not want to be the person to explain what the hobbit was doing in Minas Tirith to Thorin. Dis wasn’t sure she believed what she had heard herself yet. 

Billa Baggins, hobbit lass of the Shire, wife of Thorin Oakenshield, Queen of Erebor had found and taken the One Ring to Mordor. She had destroyed it and single handedly ended Sauron. 

Dis paused in the walk to her guest rooms and shook her head. Who was she kidding. This was the same hobbit lass that had played riddles with a dragon. The hobbit that took on Azog with a paper opener. The hobbit that looked beyond race and used the arkenstone to try and save everyone. This was the hobbit that claimed her brother’s heart. 

Really thinking about, Dis was surprised that this was all her sister-in-law had done since vanishing from Erebor. 

By the end of the week Billa’s close relatives had collected the most precious items of Billa’s for the dwarrow caravan to take to Erebor. A number of letters were also handed over and a promise that Bag End would be waiting for Billa if she wished to return, or she could send her decision on who received the property when she had a moment, was given. 

Dis and the last caravan of Erebor dwarrow headed out nearly a month later than they had hoped. All Dis honestly cared about was the lack of crows. The ranger had conveniently showed up the day after she had sent a letter back to her sons. They would be halfway to Erebor by the time the crow returned if she was lucky.

The princess stared up at the sky. Knowing her luck she would be the one telling Thorin about Billa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I thought I gave you guys this chapter yesterday XD


	10. Mithril

Thorin stared down with a hollow pain in his gut. The scouts had finally found a group of goblins fleeing north, towards Gundabad. They had called in reinforcements and the small goblin army had been decimated. 

It should be time for a small but lively celebration. There was a party happening in the halls, in fact. Yet Thorin couldn't join in and he knew Dwalin would have left at the earliest chance. After all, Dwalin brought back proof that Billa never got home or to safety. 

Thorin stared down at the mithril tunic in his hands. A goblin bastard had been wearing it. His eyes moved to the small blade at his desk. Another had been using her blade. She was dead. Mahal, she was dead.

His hands shook as he finally admitted it. Tears slowly slid out as he bowed his head.

**** ****

Dwalin stood with dropped shoulders in front of the company, minus two. He had left Thorin to his own devices after bring him the burglars gear. Dwalin’s hands clenched. How he wished he hadn't killed those goblins so quickly. They hadn't deserved a quick death. 

Billa... Dwalin bowed his head. It wasn't supposed end this way. Thorin may have accepted her departure as final but the rest of them had been working on plans to go to the Shire to get her. Fili and Kili had contacted their mother in hopes that she could pave the way if not get Billa back home after a little persuasion. 

The fact that Billa wasn’t in the Shire had been worrying. Now Dwalin didn’t know what to think. Everything indicated one horrible fact. She was dead. 

“Dwalin shouldn’t ya be getting arse drunk right now?” Asked Bofur. The others of the company were all watching him in confused worry. He had never missed out on an opportunity to drink his men under the table. 

Dwalin sighed and explained flatly, “Found Billa’s armor and weapons on some of the bastards.”

A few of the company immediately realized what that had to mean, their expressions dropped. Others took a moment or two to reach the same conclusion. The company quietly settled around each other to mourn for their dear friend they hadn’t had a chance to apologize to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me... it only made sense that there were some goblins fleeing north at some point and I had to get her armor and weapon to reappear at some point... I guess you may have assumed she just had them on her, oh well.


	11. What it is to be Fierce

Gandalf held the tiny babe in his hands. Even after being a few months old Billa’s little daughter fit fine within them. She was terribly small but she was also part hobbit, part dwarf. She wasn’t a human so the shocking size wasn’t as shocking as the men of Minas Tirith thought. 

She was stronger than any other babe Gandalf had met. After all, she had survived a near miscarriage, grew as her mama went to save the world with little rest or food, survived whatever effect the one ring and apparently the arkenstone may have had on her, and survived Mordor. 

Gandalf looked over at Billa as she took slow steps across the room. Her body was regaining strength properly under Lord Elrond’s care. Her daughter’s presence help pull Billa from moments of lost thought and forgetting where she was. 

There were still moments where she woke thinking she was in Mordor or spouting off in ancient khuzdul which she held no memory nor understanding of afterwards but they were coming less often now. The delirious moments where she pled to Thorin had stopped soon after the fever had broke. 

She would recover, perhaps never gaining her full strength back but she would be fine. Both of them would be fine. After all Billa’s daughter seemed to be just like her. They were both insanely strong for being so small. 

The gray wizard looked back down at the little babe in his hands and smiled. They be little but fierce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may not be a chapter tomorrow.


	12. Grief

The dwarrow did what they could to distract themselves from their depressing thoughts. Some of them had it easier than others but they all were weighed down by the knowledge that they each had failed her at some level. They each had a part in Billa’s death. 

In a way the Ur clan had it worst. They had been the closest to her besides Durin heirs.   
Bofur vanished into the mines, becoming the head of the excavations and purposely joining the teams for the most dangerous, unstable areas of Erebor’s mines. His brother Bombur stopped eating. The dwarf faded away as he only accepted broth while helping organize the kitchens store, seemingly torturing himself being around food all day long. Bifur joined the scouts and was rarely seen and when he was around he seemed less focused on the world around him. He didn’t appear to fight against the head wound’s side effects but instead embrace the near oblivion that came upon him at times. 

Dwalin followed after Bifur, making sure their companion returned to Erebor after each scouting mission. Any tales of his brutal, cruel treatment of goblins on the battlefield were never brought up. Balin stood behind Thorin supporting the grieving king with everything, though he himself grieved over the loss.

Gloin and Oin did what they could to help speed along the rebuilding. While they were great help, each night they could be found drunkenly retelling the parts of the adventure where Billa had saved them to anyone who would listen. 

Ori would sit near them writing down the adventure for future readers that wanted more than tall tales created on late drunken nights. When he wasn’t listening in on their drunken tales, he vanished into the library. Sometimes he didn’t come out for days.

Nori slipped in and out of notice, always seemingly bringing up potential issues amongst the workers (including the failed overthrow by Dain and his generals, though only one general was caught red handed). Sometimes when he reappeared he would follow Bofur down to the mines, doing what Dwalin did for Bifur. Dori took to minding Fili and Kili, and making sure Bombur ate something. 

The princes’ threw themselves into Erebor’s repair and political issues, and for all appearances becoming upstanding representatives of the royal line. Thorin spear headed into all the issues that needed to be settled. The royal family rarely smiled, more often than not they missed a few meals, and seemed to never smile. 

The company grieved each in their own way but for some it was harder. Guilt always makes things more difficult to move past. The world didn’t seem to stop like it should. Months slowly trickled by as the dwarrow slowly came to terms. It wasn’t long before the last caravan rolled into Erebor and lady Dis took her first steps through the gates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So each dwarf reacted their own way to thinking she's dead. Some are more obvious than others. 
> 
> Bifur and Bofur became a bit reckless  
> Dwalin took a darker view on goblins, if thats even possible  
> Gloin and Oin chose to remember the "good times"
> 
> Ori, Dori and Nori have less obvious ways of grieving and its not going to be expanded in the story so:  
> Dori chose to focus on others instead of taking care of his own grief, he's basically bottling it all up  
> Ori decided that he's going to repair the library and demand its renaming, nearly killing himself from overtaxing himself  
> Nori decided to stick around and help protect the place Billa "died" for
> 
> Balin is grieving but also trying to keep Thorin from falling totally apart  
> Fili and Kili have decided to ignore their grief but can't really be their usual jolly selves without first confronting the grief so they've taken to distracting themselves with things that don't remind them of Billa, work.   
> Bombur just jumped out at me and screamed that he wouldn't eat 'nothing till she came back XD so yeah
> 
> Thorin is fairly obvious, like many of them, but he's basically taking the same route as Fili and Kili. Its just less obvious because he's still appears to be a giant angsty teddy bear from before Erebor was saved. 
> 
>  
> 
> There will be a chapter tomorrow.


	13. Siblings

Dis walked slowly through Erebor. She took in the home she had heard so much about since birth. Not many seemed to realize the daughter of Thrain, sister of Thorin, princess of the Durin line had not been born in Erebor, had never seen its splendor. She wasn’t that old, thank you very much. 

Thorin hadn’t been of age yet. Frerin had only been a child. Her mother had not become pregnant with herself until many years after, though before the battle of Azanulbizar.

Dis paused to take in the aged beauty of the great market place. Whole areas of it were still in construction but the part that was whole spoke of the riches her family had once had. The very walls were carved with their history. Great lanterns, though chipped and in disrepair, hung to light the place with thousands of colors from the many precious gems they were crafted from.

Her guide paused a few feet away, kindly giving her the moment to herself. She had admittedly been surprised (and mildly relieved) at not being greeted by her brother or sons. And while she was relieved over avoiding telling Thorin about Billa a few minutes more (her sons nor brother had seemed fit to send her another letter), it was worrying to hear about the insane level of hard work her brother and sons had put in. 

Thorin was understandable, he had been working towards reclaiming Erebor most of his life. She hoped he had been taking care of himself though. Thorin had a way of ignoring his needs when focusing fully on the needs of his people. 

Her sons were a different matter entirely. Why and what could possibly make them choose work over play? She doubted the amount of work could have been pulled from them by Thorin. He had rarely been able to get them to do anything outside of weapons training. 

Dis sighed and turned from the view. The only way she’d have her answers was to get this over with. Once she told Thorin of Billa she would demand answers of her own. 

The guide didn’t take her to the throne room but a room cleared out for Thorin to work in. The royal chambers were apparently still blocked. Dis waved the guide away and quietly stepped into the room. Not only were her sons and brother sitting at a long table working away but the entire company was present, or at least it seemed that way. Dis quickly counted the number and came up with twelve dwarves. Then a large red head shuffled in with a platter of food. The entire company indeed. 

“A fine reception this is, nadad.”

The entire company jumped to attention in their own way. Her brother had half risen from his seat, his eyes wide. It was a fair sight to see, but she couldn’t properly appreciate startling her brother as her sons were suddenly clinging to her. She had expected a hug but this was a little much. 

“What in Durin’s name is the matter with you two? You’ve not clung to me like this since either of you were but children!” She exclaimed even as she hugged them fiercely back. 

Kili choked out, “Billa’s dead, amad! Goblins got her!” 

Dis’ brow crinkled in confusion and she blurted out without real thought, “But I thought she was in Minas Tirith.”

Her sons heads jerked up (nearly slamming into her nose) and the now standing company stared wide eyed. Thorin stepped forward, heartbreaking hope wrought across his exhausted form. “Minas Tirith?” His voice cracked.

Dis stared at her brother. He had thought her dead, the dwarrowdam realized. Dis freed herself from her boys and walked to Thorin, explaining softly, “Gandalf had sent word to Billa’s family about how she had taken the One ring of Sauron to Naragînubad. The letter said she was alive and laying within the halls of healing in Minas Tirith.”

Thorin stared down into Dis’ eyes, his own shining with raw emotion. A moment later Thorin dropped all care for decorum as his head fell to her shoulders and his own silently shook. Dis held her brother, doing everything she could to ground him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 
> 
> First, Khuzdul:  
> nadad - Brother  
> amad - mother  
> Naragînubad - black mountain (evil mountain, mount doom) -created by using the word for evil/black and the word for mountain
> 
> Bombur is still rather large even though he's not eating well. Dis I imagine didn't meet everyone in the company and even if she did she wouldn't know all of them that well, but that's my own opinion.


	14. Over a Cup of Tea

Billa stared down into her cup of tea. The aromatic steam coming up from it helped her mind stay clear, just as the tea itself was made to help her. Gandalf sat in the window seat, puffing away at his pipe. Her daughter lay dozing in the crib at the foot of her bed.

Lord Elrond had aided her in regaining her old baring. He had helped her daughter gain some much needed pounds, though he had admitted that she would always be small. She owed him much for coming all this way to heal her, as simple hobbit of the Shire. Billa planned to ignore his insistence that it was they that owed her a lifetime of aid and friendship.

She would be allowed out of bed soon, in time for the coronation of Arathorn. She had met him the other day, him and his little boy. He seemed like a good man and Billa hoped he would become a good ruler. His son would be a good king, though perhaps she was a little bias. Aragorn was smitten with her daughter after all. 

Billa looked up at Gandalf. Her dear friend had not left her side since she had become coherent enough to realize he was there. The wizard may have been by her side far longer then she remembered. He hadn’t asked her what had happened, how and why she had done what she did. Billa vaguely recalled a conversation about ancient khuzdul and the arkenstone but that was the closest anyone had come to asking her for details. 

She couldn’t help but feel they deserved to know something. “Gandalf?”

The gray wizard looked over at her, a smoke ship floating out of his mouth. “Yes?”

The little hobbit stared at him for a moment. Finally she explained, “Do you want to know?”

His eyes softened, “All in good time, my dear.” He took a puff of his pipe, “None of us expect you to explain things before their time.”

Billa hmmed and leaned back into her pillows. She stared back down at her tea and minutes fell away as they went back to their companionable silence. She broke it again to say, “I took it and the arkenstone because it was hurting everyone.” Tears welled into her eyes as she stared down into her cup. “I couldn’t let them hurt anyone else. I-I.” 

A arm wrapped around her and Gandalf tucked her into his side with a hug as she explained. “I couldn’t let them hurt people I loved.” She dropped her head to his side, tears openly sliding down her face. “I thought I l-lost my b-baby because of the arkenstone twisting Thorin and...and the others. Then.. then I found the book on rings and realized what it was I had found. I realized…” She sniffed. “It wasn’t just the arkenstone affecting everyone, maybe it was never the arkenstone. But I couldn’t chance it so I took them both and destroyed them.”

Gandalf squeezed her slightly and said. “There is no way of knowing if it was both or just one affecting everyone's thoughts. There was certainly something.. off about the arkenstone. You did well, my dear. More than well. You saved us all. You protected your loved ones and your daughter is alive. You didn’t lose her or anyone else.”

“No.” Whispered Billa, her mind going to loved ones she was never going to see again. Tears slid down her face and exhaustion began to take her. “I lost many. I’m just glad I didn’t lose more.” 

The wizard shook his head and whispered back to the half awake hobbit, “You may yet find ones you thought lost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably all the details you all will get on Billa's traveling to Mordor, just saying. 
> 
> The next chapter is not fully written, thought I'd have time to get it done by the time I got this far but oh well... it looks like there will actually be 2-3 more chapters, though.


	15. Dwarrow in the White City

The elf stood staring down at them. Thorin stood tall, stiff at Lord Elrond’s scrutiny. “What is it that brings you here King under the Mountain?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your concern.” Thorin snipped back, fury bubbling up at the elf that stood between him and Billa. He had spent the last two months getting Erebor in a position to be ruled by his sister and her sons. He then traveled all this way with half his company. An elf was not going to stand in his way now. Dwalin growled lowly behind him in support. 

“This is a hall of healing and I have taken up the head position until my main patient has recovered. It is my concern what fully armed and armored dwarves wish to do within here.”

Thorin glared for a moment longer before growling out, “I am here to see my wi-” He paused for a moment, fears of Billa’s desire to have anything to do with him flickering back to life from where he had stomped it out again and again over the months since losing her. “Billa.”

“I see.” Elrond said at last, the frown marring his features faded to a neutral look, “She is resting at the moment. I must ask you to wait a little longer, master dwarf.”

The dwarf king gave a jerking nodded before stomping away from the halls of healing. The trembling in his hands were just barely visible. His companion, guard, and comrade followed, after sending the elf lord a heated glare. 

“Thorin.” Dwalin spoke up as his king stopped in the middle of an empty hallway. Thorin responded by slamming one of his fists into a nearby door. Fissures appeared in the wood. Dwalin laid a comforting hand on Thorin’s shoulder. “Thorin ya need to calm down. The lass will wake up in a bit and ya will be able to see her.”

Thorin gave another jerking nodded before he stomped down the hallway again. The two wandered for what seemed like hours. Their other companions found Thorin and Dwalin as the sun began to set. They had been in meetings with the soon to be crowned king of Gondor, representing Erebor until Thorin was in the right state of mind to step in. Standing alongside Balin, Ori, and Bofur was Gandalf.

“Tharkun.” Greeted Thorin. “I should have known you’d be here.”  
Gandalf sighed heavily and lend onto his staff, as if grounding himself in preparations of dealing with the stubbornness of dwarves. “Thorin Oakenshield you have come a long way to see someone you claim as traitor.” 

All the dwarrow stiffened. Bofur’s easy going grin faded. Ori stared wide eyed at the wizard. Balin had fallen into a neutral mask of politeness and Dwalin had narrowed his eyes in equal amounts of dislike and distrust. Thorin scowled up at the wizard, a hint of pain gleaming in his eyes. 

Thorin struggled over his words for a moment, biting his tongue to stop all the harsh responses he wished to voice. Finally he spoke, humbling himself to the wizard who clear stood between him and would continue till he proved himself. “Though I was not myself at the time, I will never forgive myself for what I did.. what I caused.” Thorin’s voice cracked and his head fell, Billa falling trying to protect her stomach flashed through his mind once again - for the millionth time. Thorin forced himself to look back up at the wizard. “I come to ask for forgiveness, though I deserve none... and to make sure she is alright...To see with my own eyes that my wife, my One is alive.”

Gandalf’s features softened, “She will sleep through the night, Elrond has recently found a tea that helps her sleep dreamlessly. You will be able to see her in the morning.”

The dwarrow relaxed, though each held a hint of anticipations and worry in their stances.

“There is another you will want to meet, Thorin Oakenshield.” Gandalf interrupted the lightened atmosphere. 

Thorin frowned, “Balin is representing Erebor to this king of Gondor. It has been agreed to wait for anything beyond the basic pleasantries for after he is crowned in a few days time.”

Gandalf shook his head, “That is not who I speak of. Come, all of you.” With that Gandalf led them off down the halls. The dwarrow shared looks as they all came to similar conclusions. The wizard was leading them to the halls of healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tharkun - Gandalfs dwarish name
> 
> ... So I figured none of us needed a chapter where the company argues over who goes to Minas Tirith and who has to stay but if you're missing that conversation I guess I could go back and add it. ;D
> 
> Reasoning behind who went and who stayed if you care:  
> Fili and Kili had to stay to help keep Erebor secure and under the direct line of Durin with their mama
> 
> Bombur was focusing on his health and was consider to ill to go
> 
> Oin argued to go, being the healer, but in the end it was decided that he was needed to watch Bombur and care for the the construction accidents
> 
> Gloin stayed to help Fili, Kili and Dis (and because his wife and son were finally safely by his side again)
> 
> Dori stayed to help Fili, Kili and Dis
> 
> Nori was doing what he has been, choosing to stay because he would be of more use at Erebor (and its not because he has a warrant for his head in Minas Tirith)
> 
> Bifur stayed because they needed everyone to be able to communicate with the humans for diplomatic reasons
> 
>  
> 
> Balin went to be the main diplomat
> 
> Dwalin went to make sure Thorin came back alive
> 
> Bofur went to show that dwarves can be amiable and cause he's one of Billa's good and closest friends in the company
> 
> Ori went to show that dwarves aren't scary, get some scholarly things done, because he's a good friend of Billa's and because he would be the one recording what happened for the history books


	16. A Child

Gandalf led the dwarrow through the healing halls to a courtyard. There he spoke, “Thorin Oakenshield, not all is as it seemed. Sit and know that there is much to rejoice over.” 

The dwarves frowned at the retreating form of the wizard. The istari was back to riddles. A few minutes later Gandalf returned with a bundle cradled in his arms. 

The wizard paused a few feet from them. “Sit Thorin.”

“Tharkun what-”

“Sit.” Thorin scowled at the wizard but sat. Gandalf smiled down at the king. “Not all is as it seemed-”

“You already said that.” Growled Thorin in annoyance. 

Gandalf’s smile dropped and the wizard openly rolled his eyes. “Confound you dwarves! I am trying to make this special and here you are grumbling and acting stubborn. Can’t you see that this is important?”

Balin spoke up with his only frown.“Now Gandalf, Billa is only a few feet away! What do you expect from him? From us?” 

Gandalf grumbled quietly before kneeling besides Thorin and holding out the bundle. Fully ignoring everyone, he announced with a hint of annoyance at the dwarrow, “Not all was lost.” Thorin frowned in confusion at the wizard.

“Thorin, Billa didn’t lose the child.” The world stopped at those words. Thorin’s eyes shot down at the bundle still held out to him. He vaguely heard gasps from the others but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the bundle. Thorin took the bundle with trembling hands.

A little face with blue-green, sleepy eyes stared up at him. The baby had so much of Billa: curly hair, pointed ears, Billa’s nose and the eyes would be green. Thorin slid a trembling hand up to brush the soft cheek of his baby. He would grow up strong just like hi-

“She is a sweet little thing. She was even tinier when we got here and that was nearly two months after her birth!” Said Gandalf.

Thorin’s heart stop. He was holding a girl. He had a daughter. Mahal. Someone repeated Thorin’s last thought out loud. 

A tiny hand slid up and grab onto one of Thorin’s fingers. 

Thorin felt his heart ache. Tears gleamed in his eyes as he stared at the little miracle. He had nearly killed this tiny little girl. He almost killed his daughter. 

Thorin clutched her close and carefully dropped his head till his forehead tapped his daughter’s. Never would he hurt her, not in the way he had already. She would be loved and protected. His daughter would be hidden away from all dangers but.. but as much as he wished otherwise, he would not be able to protect her for her entire life so she would learn to protect herself. And Fili and Kili would be charged to protect her all their days.

She would be just like her mother. She would be so very unassuming but possessing a great fire within that came out as desire to protect and care for all she loves out when it mattered the most. She would love the simple things in life. Gold and jewels would hold no sway in her heart. Instead she would care for family, friends, good food and cheer and song. 

Tears fell onto his daughter’s cheeks. It would be a merrier world with his daughter, with Billa at home. Thorin hoped helplessly that Billa would forgive him as he stared in wonder at his baby girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Thorin such an emotional wreck in this story...
> 
> uh so random points:  
> Gandalf doesn't hangout with many newborns so her growing is absolutely fascinating to him.   
> Billa's observations of her daughter was when she was younger and so her eyes were still baby blue.  
> And of course Billa sees Thorin and Thorin sees Billa in the baby girl.


	17. Home

There was something missing. Billa lay staring up at the ceiling in befuddled drowsiness. It was late, or perhaps early if the faint blue light stretching the shadows across the ceiling was any indication. She woke up for a reason.

Billa snapped up into a sitting position. She stared out over the dark room to the crib. Her daughter wasn’t crying. Lord Elrond and Gandalf would take her daughter out for the first part of the night so she would have undisturbed sleep but they had always brought her back after her evening meal and playtime. Her daughter awoke around now wanting Billa. 

Billa pushed carefully up onto her feet and walked slowly to the crib. It was possible that her daughter had decided to finally sleep through to morning but Billa doubted it. The hobbit stared helplessly down at the empty crib before grabbing a cane resting at the wall nearby and quickly shuffling from the room. 

She could hear something near the courtyard. The hobbit quietly shuffled over to the entry, realizing that what she was hearing was someone singing. It was a familiar voice. 

Tears filled her eyes at the sight before her. She had to grab onto the wall to keep upright as he legs nearly gave out. Thorin was quietly singing in khuzdul to their daughter. Billa watch mesmerized, fully certain she was dreaming. Thorin carefully rocked their daughter as he walked around the courtyard singing a strangely sweet melody for such a harsh language. 

It wasn’t until the babe’s hand fell from the strands of hair she had been clinging to and Thorin fell silent that Billa realized that some of the other company members were relaxing on the other side of the courtyard. Bofur’s eyes met her’s before she could move from their sight. The smile he sent her made her wait instead of flee. 

After everything she had done, why would Bofur seem so happy to see her? Billa forced down trembles as Bofur walked over to Thorin. This was just a dream. Balin, Dwalin and Ori had now spotted her. The looks of relief and joy they sent her made the repressed trembles come back with more force. 

Bofur said something to Thorin. Her husband snapped over to her and stared with wide eyes. His usually control was missing as Billa watched many emotions flash across his face. Bofur took their daughter from Thorin before nudging the king.

Thorin walked slowly to Billa and stopped a few feet from her. They stared at each other, neither knowing if they were wanted by the other or where to begin, what to say.

Finally Thorin spoke, his voice cracking, “Billa….” He stared at her before dropping his head, “I’m sorry.” He looked back up at her with such open pain. “I have wronged you in ways I can never repay. I know you do not want anything to do with me and I understand that you no longer want this-this marriage. I don’t deserve you but please, please come live at Erebor.”

Desperation flowed into his voice and his blue eyes had taken on a gray appearance, “Don’t go away. Don’t take her from me.” Thorin stepped forward and reached out to Billa before forcefully dropping his hand. “Let me see you and watch her grow up from a distance. Don’t- don’t go back to the Shire.”

Billa slowly walked up to Thorin and hesitantly brushed her fingers over Thorin’s cheek. He didn’t disappear into fog. He was solid. He was really there. He had never stayed solid in her dreams. Her nightmares had him unwilling to even look at her. Her dreams had him coolly accept her back. Thorin had never been broken like now. 

He press his cheek into her hand. Billa licked her dry lips and whispered, “Why wouldn’t I want you? Why would I not want this marriage?”

His choked out and Billa could feel his own repressed trembles, “Your braids and beads are gone.”

Billa’s eye grew wide. Her hands flew to her golden tangles. “Wha-!” Feeling no braids nor beads she looked worriedly up at Thorin, “I didn’t-They should still be there! The healers must have-” Lips were pressed against her’s before she could fully explain. Her eyes fluttered shut and her hands clutched at Thorin’s tunic. 

This was a very good dream.

Thorin finally pulled away to press his brow against hers. They stared at each other for a long time, content to not say anything. 

It was Lord Elrond who both broke the revere and slapped Billa out of her belief that this was a dream. He had never been in any of her dreams or nightmares. He had been the one to wake her from most. 

That realization snapped Billa. She dropped her head against Thorin’s shoulder and broke down. They were here. They didn’t hate her. He didn’t hate her.

She would smack him later. She’ll give him a proper ear full for what he had made her go through but right now she just wanted to be held. She never wanted him to let go. Never again.

She was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. :3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like.


End file.
